World Bullying Prevention Month

October 10th, 2021 - 1,100 words

Let's recap.  Generally, when we think about bullying, our minds instantly go to a schoolyard full of rambunctious kids.  But, in reality, you can find bullying inside the walls of Fortune Ten companies, at political rallies, and, of course, online.  I believe that kids and teenagers are more likely to bully one another when they see that adults bully one another as well.  So, in my talk about bullying, I’d like to take a look at the adults as well as the children.

 

Needless to say, most kids and teenagers aren’t aware of the bullying that adults are capable of in the workplace.  Most don’t see how easy it is for the higher-ups to prey upon those lower on the ladder, how some workplaces develop “frat boy cultures,” and so on.  Of course, if their parents work at a company that does nothing to help every worker feel safe, then they may indirectly experience the effects of the bullying when they see their parents’ morale waste away.  A parent who dreads going to work will obviously have a tougher time being a parent.  But, for the most part, the younger folk aren’t aware of what cruelty can happen even inside a tidy office space.

 

However, teenagers can see what adults are up to on social media.  And what kind of picture of adult interaction are we painting for them online?  Well, oftentimes, it’s harmless enough: sharing cute pictures, funny stories, and so on.  But all you need to do is express a serious opinion to flip a switch, one where lots of people enter attack mode.  How many conversations on serious issues dissolve into nothing but heated, hurtful words?  I’d say pretty many, definitely more than the number of serious online conversations that turn into opportunities for all the sides to calmly hear one another out and learn from one another.

 

The conversations on Twitter tend to be far worse than those on Facebook, at least as far as I can tell.  Most Facebook conversations tend to occur among people who know one another, which helps lead to some civility.  But Twitter’s a website that encourages complete strangers to argue about any topic it can come up with.  That “Trending” bar off to the side always has topics ready for people to argue about.  As soon as something happens in the world, thousands of people believe they need to conjure up witty tweets about it, ones that will rake in lots of likes and follows.  And what ones are the most likely to rise to the top?  The ones that poke fun at anybody who disagrees with the tweeter. 

 

And, in case you’ve forgotten, making fun of people, calling them names, or writing them off as insignificant is a form of bullying.  It’s practically just playground bullying in a different arena.

 

So, what message is this sending to teenagers?  At their age, they’re starting to get a broader view of the world, one beyond what they’ve seen directly at home.  They’re beginning to wonder what their lives will look like when they have to fend for themselves.  And, as far as I can tell, it looks like becoming a social media giant involves gaining a following by teasing people who disagree with you, by coming up with clever ways to be condescending.  It also involves becoming outraged by everything, typing up hateful, angry words before researching the issue at hand.  You’ll get lots of other angry people who agree with you, and they’ll help you bash anybody who disagrees with you.  Or if you’re not a social media giant, maybe you still feel the need to make yourself known by spreading the spiteful opinions around. 

 

That’s just plain not a good model for teenagers—or anybody else—to follow.

 

So, if you’re the kind of person who gets worked up easily on social media, what can you do to set a better example for everybody around you?  First, remember you’re not obligated to have an opinion about everything that happens in the world.  Part of the reason why people jump to conclusions, jump to those condescending messages, is that they haven’t taken the time to look at the issue from all sides.  After all, looking at every single issue from every single side would be draining. 

 

Yet, some of us are afraid of looking ignorant if we don’t have opinions on everything in the news.  Well, to that, I’d say you truly look ignorant when you spout off angry posts after reading just a couple headlines.  So maybe, just maybe, you could dial it back and accept that you don’t know everything, and you don’t need to.  That way, you won’t end up feeling the need to defend opinions you conjured up in the heat of the moment.

 

Basically, don’t talk about what you don’t know about. 

 

And, of course, if you find yourself in the midst of a heated conversation, take a second to reflect on what’s really important.  Is “winning” the argument really going to transform anybody’s worldviews?  Or is it more likely that spewing out lots of angry words will just make you even angrier than you were before?  And if it’s a fierce argument with a friend, is a controversial topic really worth tainting your relationship over?

 

It’s okay to step away from the computer, smartphone, or tablet.  Whether we’re talking physical fights or emotional fights, the bravest option is often not to fight at all.  That’s the message we need to be sending everybody we know.  After all, we tell kids not to pick fights at school, so why should we go around picking fights online?

 

For me, personally, I’ve found it helpful to not even look at the comments sections following news articles online.  The comments tend to be full of snarky people trying to draw attention to themselves.  They sometimes even make claims that were directly refuted in the article, blatantly showing that they just wanted to spout off their own opinions rather than listen and learn.  Posts like those irritate me.  So, I’ve gotten a little piece of peace by simply ignoring the comments section on most articles.

 

Whew.  Looking over this little discourse of mine, I’ve noticed that my analysis of social media bullying turned into a discussion on how to achieve inner-peace even when you see lots of angry people arguing online.  Maybe I strayed off topic... or maybe those issues are deeply connected. 

 

Isn’t the source of most bullying a lack of inner peace?  Don’t most people feel the need to put others down when their huge but fragile egos are threatened?  Maybe one way to curb bullying is to help people find a little more peace in their lives by stepping away from all the fire.